What did you DO?!?!?

I was reminiscing the other day, about a time when my boys were younger.  Sure, kids are a handful at every age; it's just the particular type of stress that changes as they age.  Currently, we are in that "hurry up and go from one activity to another without giving me attitude" stage.  But I remember well the days of toddler-hood when they are just independent enough to wreak havoc in the blink of an eye.

Zack was roughly 2 years old when he woke me up early on a bright Saturday morning to tell me, "Mommy, I don't like blueberries".  I wanted to roll over and mumble something along the lines of, "Then it's a good thing we don't have any!".  Instead, I cracked an eyelid and saw my son standing before me, grimacing, with blue lips and dark, purple hands.  He'd woken up early and gone exploring, but my panic quickly set in as I looked at his stained fingers and lips and wondered what he'd found to sample.  I rushed to the kitchen, hoping it wasn't some type of chemical or cleaner or toxic substance that he'd managed to get to despite all the baby-proofed cabinets.  Instead, the freezer door stood wide open and on the floor lay, not one, but two open bags of frozen blueberries.  He pointed and solemnly repeated, "I don't like blueberries".

Yeah, buddy, you're just lucky you didn't find the frozen broccoli, or better yet, the bottle of Jagermeister Daddy keeps in there. Couldn't he have woken me up if he was hungry???  A few years ago he admitted that when he was younger, if he didn't want to bother us, he would go into the garage and get a handful of dog kibbles for himself - and his younger brother!  Thanks for letting me sleep and foraging for something edible as if an apocalyptic event had destroyed all human food in the kitchen.

You know, as a parent, that all of this can happen so quickly.  They're fast, sneaky little SOB's.  We've been lucky that nothing catastrophic has occurred.  And, working in a pediatric ICU, I've seen my fair share of injuries from that constant chaos that surrounds little boys.  We have had destruction though.  In the matter of roughly two minutes Zack pulled out just about every video and DVD that was stored in a cabinet - and then proceeded to sit on his mound, as the self-proclaimed king of VHS.

Similarly, Logan followed his big brother's footsteps.  You know when it's been too quiet for a few minutes that you'd better go looking for something broken or dismantled.  I found Logan in the bathroom with most of a toilet paper roll wadded into the bowl.  Judging by the mischievous grin, he was obviously not too worried about my response.

I don't have any pictures of my kids covered in paint, or sticking sanitary napkins onto each other.  You've seen those on the internet, I'm sure.  Uploaded by a desperate mom whose only recourse is to take a step back and laugh at the situation - sometimes much later, after a considerable amount of alcohol has been consumed.  

My sister-in-law called me for medical advice (not for the first time).  Is craft paint toxic?  She didn't want to have to call poison control (also not for the first time) for fear they keep tabs on repeat offenders, I mean callers.  It just takes an instant and those little hands get into the back of a drawer to unearth things you haven't seen in years.  As a parent, make sure to guard against the obvious items that could cause injury, check on those too-quiet kids, and keep the number handy for the poison control center.  Trust me, this will pass all too quickly.  (And just so you know: Poison Control centers don't keep a "frequent caller" list).