Saturday, May 11, 2013

In Honor of Mother's Day

It is that time of the year again.  The one blessed day of the year that we take a moment to gaze in wonder upon all of the "Mom" figures in our lives who have helped to shape us into the wonderful, competent, amazing people we are... or at least kept us from dying in oh-so-many horrible ways. Thanks to pressure from card companies and restaurants, Mother's Day has become an overblown event that threatens to rival the new crop of independent music festivals springing up everywhere.

Buy your tickets now!

Honestly, my favorite things about Mother's Day are the heartfelt hugs, the handmade crafts and jewelry, and the few moments when my boys try to pretend that they love and care about each other.  Oh, and any times when there is complete silence and I'm by myself.  Because, really, do you want to spend all day with your kids attached to you?  No.  It's Mother's Day.  A simple brunch, some flowers from the garden, and a card are plenty of celebration.  Then I want to pretend that these monkeys don't exist.  Come on, you know I mean that in the nicest way.

I was reflecting on all of the things that make me a mom (besides the horrible jeans anyway) and I started ticking off some of my inherent "mother" traits that I never thought I'd show to the world.  Here's a list of some of my Mom confessions: 
  • I delight in embarrassing my kids in front of their friends.  You should try it.  Pull up to school singing Fun's "Carry On" at the top of your lungs and see what color they turn!
  • I say the weirdest things and they sound sane to me at the time.  "Don't you dare stick your head in there!  And if I hear you roll your eyes at me again, there will be buckets of heck to pay!"  
  • I will (grudgingly) give up my favorite foods if my kids give me their patented sad-puppy-eyes and I won't even stab them with a fork to retrieve said food.
  • On the other hand, I mindlessly eat the cold, picked-at remainders of their meal when they don't want any more.
  • We bought a bigger car for the sole purpose of driving carpools with even more kids.
  • I expect to find dirty clothes everywhere in my house... and then I usually find items in places I never would have expected.
  • My oldest used to suffer from reflux and seemed to vomit every time we'd try to go out to eat.  I could tell when he was about to throw up at a restaurant and I would just shove a receptacle in front of him with one hand and keep eating my own meal with the other hand without losing a beat.
  • My idea of fun is to watch kids run around a field playing their favorite sports. (Although, I have to admit it is more fun talking with friends and sipping special mommy juice while watching the sports.)
  • I will watch the same movie over and over and over again if it's the one my kids are currently obsessed with.  Notice, I didn't say I enjoyed it.
  • I make up strange word combinations to try not to swear.  My boys loved it when I stubbed my toe and yelled "Fudgy poop!  Holy sh...ugar.  Gosh darn!"  Sometimes they try to help me out:  "You know, you can just say 'Son of a biscuit' instead!"
  • Some of my most cherished artwork was made with acrylic paint and a tiny handprint.
  • Poems about kids growing up make me cry - every time I read them.
I hope that you have a mother to cherish and shower with attention, or that you are a mom who will receive much love and affection.  Just remember, after the initial celebration, let mom relax with a good book and a tasty drink, and some solitude.

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